Those Words from A Parent Which Saved Me as a Brand-New Parent

"I think I was just just surviving for twelve months."

One-time Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the challenges of being a father.

However the truth rapidly became "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health problems during the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was pushed into becoming her main carer as well as caring for their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing every night time, every nappy change… every stroll. The duty of both parents," Ryan shared.

After nearly a year he became exhausted. It was a talk with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The simple words "You aren't in a healthy space. You require assistance. In what way can I support you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and regain his footing.

His situation is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. While people is now better used to discussing the stress on moms and about PND, less is said about the struggles fathers go through.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan feels his challenges are symptomatic of a larger inability to open up amongst men, who continue to internalise negative perceptions of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and doesn't fall every time."

"It isn't a show of being weak to ask for help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to accept they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - most notably in front of a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental health is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the chance to request a pause - taking a couple of days overseas, separate from the home environment, to gain perspective.

He came to see he needed to make a adjustment to consider his and his partner's feelings in addition to the logistical chores of caring for a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has transformed how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will help his son better understand the expression of emotional life and interpret his parenting choices.

The idea of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen did not have reliable male guidance. Despite having an "incredible" bond with his dad, long-standing trauma caused his father struggled to cope and was "in and out" of his life, complicating their connection.

Stephen says repressing feelings resulted in him make "poor actions" when in his youth to modify how he was feeling, finding solace in alcohol and substances as escapism from the anguish.

"You find your way to substances that aren't helpful," he notes. "They might temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Strategies for Managing as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - when you are swamped, tell a trusted person, your partner or a therapist what you're going through. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the activities that helped you to feel like the person you were before having a baby. Examples include going for a run, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Pay attention to the body - eating well, staying active and if you can, sleep, all contribute in how your mental state is coping.
• Meet other first-time fathers - sharing their journeys, the messy ones, and also the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that seeking help does not mean you've failed - looking after yourself is the optimal method you can look after your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably had difficulty processing the death, having not spoken to him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead offer the stability and emotional support he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the frustrations in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they acknowledged their struggles, transformed how they talk, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I expressed, at times I think my purpose is to guide and direct you what to do, but actually, it's a exchange. I'm learning as much as you are on this path."